PILOSOPIYA NI BOB ONG

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."
2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."
3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."
4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."
5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."
6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."
7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."
8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."
9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."
10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."
11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."
12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."
13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."
14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."
15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."
16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”
17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”
18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"
19. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."


magaling.magaling.magaling.

Dear God

if what's best for me is what you want...
then there's nothing for me to fear
for you know the things that i cherish most...
and you know the things that i need.

you can take those fancy things i own
that can make a person smile
you can take everything that i have
even those that are in style.

but there is just one thing
that i would ask you to leave
for he means so much more than i could explain
that if i could have one wish from you
it would be to make him stay.

God, if it's not too much to ask
let my happiness be with him
and if you would ever grant my wish,
its HIM alone that i need.

In Memory of the Good Times Gone Bad

how does one feel whenever one has to say goodbye to good things in his / her life? does one has to blame herself? will crying be enough to exhaust one's self from pain? will it be best to immerse yourself in the sea of all those good things? when as much as it will give you the happiness you're not yet ready to miss, it will also leave you trapped in a surreal world you dont ever want to find yourself forever. does one has to be willing to accept even the bad stuff just so one can move on? or every waking day will just be a living testimonial that things can never be the same like before. i don't exactly know. but i do know something, that whichever one choses to do, it won't guarrantee a better life...a better morning ahead of you.is it mortal sin to close your eyes to things you don't want to see? if you choose to be blind and pretend to be strong, will you have better judgement over circumstances? will it make you more ideal to other people? if you shut your mouth in times when you want to speak, if you intend to just listen and accept what seems to be deafening to your ears, will it make you understanding? will you be appreciated for that? or be thanked at the least? if you consider others' emotions first and foremost, and decided to leave yours unnoticed, will it stop the good things from ending? will it make you a better person? a better friend? a better boyfriend or girlfriend? for some maybe. for those who haven't seen your worth yet. for those who haven't noticed you've been trying this hard already.i don't want to forget beautiful things. they are always a good source of happiness whenever times are low. it's the cheapest way to feel good when life tastes like bitter candy. but good things do end. either you want to accept it or not. from this day, i'm afraid things will completely change for me people will not be the same like before, happy moments will just bring pain because i don't know what's true anymore. did i only fool myself that's why i had those good memories? or did they truly exist? it's painful that you don't learn from past mistakes, because you rather learn to trust again...just to be hurt even more.the only emotion i am able to recognize at the moment is regret. regret that i only found out recently, that no amount of good things that you do can ever make something last forever.

Masscom Misfit

I remember the first time I entered the university of not merely my choice, where i had a mixture of both excitement and fear. I was such a fragile and naive girl way back and college life was not for me, or so i would like to think. Petty reasons mattered to me like it meant the whole world, i was being my childish, narrow minded self. There were two things that were going around my head at that time. First, if it was a right choice to study in that university, well, let's just say that i chose it because i had used my heart, literally. An ex-love was in that same school and for a girl who was so unsure of herself at that moment, the next best thing was to follow him, enough said. Second, I don't like my course. I have other plans in mind, back then, i wanted to take up Psychology, Culinary Arts or Foreign Service. My father wanted me to study music, my mother wanted me to take up Mass Communication.Pretty obvious, my mother won. After long hours of arguing with her, i gave up. At first, I was acting as if I was doing well, that i was having a great time. Since I had great friends, and though i was clueless about the course i was into, i became comfortable. But just when i was starting to find my place, something terrible happened. There came an opportunity to study abroad but it required me to take up nursing. I refused and my parents did not push through but in return, i couldn't continue with my course either. I stopped for one semester till I was able to convince everyone that my course is fine anyway. When i went back to school, that's when everything started to change. It felt like I was in a whole new world, where running away is not an option. I found it hard to cope up in everything, and, in the middle of my struggle to be back on track, i've found myself unhappy and devastated. I've hated my course, i hate Mass Communication. I am not everything it requires me be. I hate the people i often have no choice but to deal with. They acted so superior, so hard to level up with. So there I was, always taking up the backseat, i never did try to fit in, I've closed my door to new friendships, i don't like them all anyway.I don't ever wanted to be like them. I've tried a lot of times to escape, but God have kept the doors closed. So I continued, for i was able to put my trust in him who have the reasons why I am in this course anyway. Little by little, I became tired of taking the backseat, i became tired of keeping my ideas to myself. Suddenly, i wanted to show everyone around me that I also have what it takes. I became tired of having no one to deal with but myself, so one by one, i had befriend them, and to my shame, a lot of them i have misjudged.Fast forward to the present, i can only smile as i try to be nostalgic. Mass Communication and all the people I've refused to deal with are wonderful. It is a brood of exceptional talents. What i've gone through were not because the course is not a good one or the people are not good either, but, because of me. I failed to grow up and i remained unsure of myself and the things i wanted. I've pretended to fight for something i actually don't have a heart for. I became blinded by my fears and pride, which in the long run, have not taken me anywhere. I can only regret those times i've wasted wallowing and whinning over petty things, but, i am grateful that i've set things right, just in time before i ruined everything. I've come to appreciate the beauty of this world where i am into, which I may not have chosen in the beginning, yet, have nestled me during those times i was busy finding myself.

loving and believing.

For the past two years, i have been sharing my life with Alvin. It was never easy, when we don't belong to the same world. Sometimes, i've gotten used to it, most of the time, i haven't. Alvin studies music, mine is communications. Though we both want the best out of our chosen crafts, we deal with it differently. He is more focused, I, on the other hand, is playing with my emotions. I don't understand, but i see his life as something that is too complicated. A lot of things too do, with so little time. My life is simpler...and boring to be exact. As far as i can remember, i have been trying so hard to fit in, to share the same world with him. From time to time, i go out of my comfort zone to have a taste of his world, but still, i find myself lost in a world that's not my own. Alvin does the same, he seemed comfortable though, he always know how to belong. There are three things that i have to deal with this relationship. One, i am not his top priority, or at least not YET. Not anytine soon. Second, that he's not the usual boyfriend who is always on his way to check on me, my whereabouts, the people i'm with, etc. Lastly, he has a life that will go on with or without me. The first and the last are painful beyond compare, but as time went by, i had mastered from the heart. The second one, i'm still trying to adjust because i'm just not used to it. I was from a relationship where i have to report everything, and still was never enough. So am I happy with this relationship? YES. though i have lots of reasons to be fed up and call it quits with him, i also have countless of reasons to love him. Reasons that are just ordinary, but are very significant. I simply enjoy doing things with him. I love the fact that we can talk non stop about everything, from why north korea is a communist country, to why GREENPEACE is the coolest organization on earth next to PETA. weird? but fun. i love talking to him because he's not afraid to talk about what's on his mind. I also love it when we can be silent for awhile and be confident that there isnt anything wrong. I enjoy eating at an expensive restaurant with him and yet go crazy over our favorite squidballs the next day. I love calling him funny names and talk to him using our own lingo. words thats just between me and him. I always look forward to hanging out with him, to being with him. We may not have the best relationship, but who cares? I love it just how it is.

Paglisan

ang maghangad ng maganda mula sa langit
ay sya kong dalangin, nawa'y maging para sayo
upang kahit saglit lamang na narito ako sa mundo
ay madama mo ang nasa loob ko.

sa iyong tingin ako'y nakuha mo
sa mga salita ako'y naging sayo
sa iyong mga yakap ako'y nabihag mo
ang buo kong mundo'y nagmistulang paraiso.

ngunit umiwas ka at hinangad na lumayo
naiwang walang saysay ang mga pangako
ang iyong paglisan ng walang dahilan
sa aking mundo naging isang kawalan!

sa paglubog ng araw at paglitaw ng buwan
dala ang dalangin na nais kong makamtan
na sana sa muling pagsikat ng araw
ikaw na syang mahal ang muling makasama.

nakaraan

minsan gusto ko na lang matawa sa mga bagay bagay. iisipin ko pa ba o mabuting wag na lang? para kasing paulit ulit akong niloloko ng sarili kong buhay. masaya naman ako eh, bago sya nagtext pagkatapos ng halos matagal na ring panahon. nangamusta, nagtatanong ng ilang bagay na di ko parin maintindahan hangang ngayon kung para saan. Makalipas ang ilang palitan ng text lumabas ako ng bahay, tinatanong ang sarili ko kung ano nanaman ang gagawin ko. Bibilangin ko sana kung ilang beses ko ng tinangka na tigilan ang kalokohan na to pero sakit na yata dahil parang walang lunas. Natigilan ako saglit, napailing, hindi ko na lang bibilangin dahil nakakahiya sa sarili ko, nakakahiyang aminin na wala akong lakas ng loob. Ilang saglit pa, parang wala namang nagbago. Ganun parin sya, hindi ko alam kung ganun parin dahil yun ang pinaniwala ko sa sarili ko o talagang wala syang effort manlang na magbago. Sabi ko galit ako, pero walang bahid ng galit ang mga narinig kong salita na lumabas sa bibig ko. Bakit ba hindi ko magawang magalit? Nakatingin nanaman sya. Naalala ko bigla kung gaano ko kinakaasaran yung mga tingin na yon dati. Ewan pero wala akong maitago sa kanya, sa mga tigin nya. Kahit hindi ako magsalita alam nya lahat ng sakit na hindi ko kaya sabihin, lahat ng galit na pinipilit ko sarilihin, lahat ng lungkot na nagdadala ng pait sa mga mata ko. Alam nya lahat. Hindi ko ito nakikitaan ng kahit anong ganda dahil pakiramdam ko wala ng natitirang privacy sa buhay ko pag tumingin sya sa mata ko. Kahit ilang beses ako magpanggap na masaya mas marunong pa sya sakin. Hindi parin sya nagbago. Nandito parin yung lumang pakiramdam na para bang yung buong mundo sakin lang umiikot. Nakakasakal na mga tanong... kumain ka na ba? okay ka lang ba? wala ka bang problema? ano ginawa mo kanina? parang ako lang ang importante. Ginusto ko rin naman iparamdam sa kanya na importante sya, na katulad nya gusto ko rin malaman yung mga bagay bagay. Pero hindi nya ko binigyan ng pagkakataon. Hindi ko maikakaila, kanina habang nakatingin sya medyo natuwa ako. Matagal na panahon narin ng huli kong naramdaman na ako ang sentro ng mundo ng isang tao. Alam ko na kahit sandali pwedeng magpahinga ang mga salita dahil hindi ko sila kailangan. Palagi nga nya hinuhulaan ang nararamdaman ko, pero palagi naman syang tama. Nasa huli nga ang pag sisisi. Nangungulila na pala ko sa katahimikan na dulot ng mga sandaling yon. Ang katahimikan na dati ay nag tulak sa akin palayo.

sister act

my earliest childhood memories include arguing with my sisters about almost anything and wishing i'd woke up one day to find out i have a half brother instead. i have three sisters, richelle, sunshine and katrina. we are four girls in a row with no brother, and that spells

R-I-O-T! among all of them, i have this special bond with my sister shine. we grew up together and were separated from our family that's why we were used to counting on to eachother for comfort and emotional help. But shine and I are completely different. I used to label us as the "positive and negative batteries". Shine being the negative, and yours truly, being the positive... She was so out going, loud, happy go lucky and always in trouble. She was such a popular sanguine and its why people drew near her easily. I am her exact opposite. i remember going to the same high school were she was a drop out because she's been to a lot of mess. teachers would comment how different we are, and would always be quick to compare us. as far as i knw, i did well in school, but it wasn't enough to please them. they like her more than I because she was the sweet student, and i was distant. however, i never took it against her, i am glad to be her second best. We were very close and i don't remember sharing such kind of friendship with anyone. But we also argue a lot. So much that sometimes, we would end up not talking to each other for a month or two. but that's just how we are. we will reconcile just about time when we need to use each other's things. =)

i haven't got too much chances to build a stronger bond with my ate richelle when we were younger. i always see her as my ate who would scare me to death till i fall asleep and who would things for me that only elder sisters would. i look up to her because she seemed so perfect. she was the intelligent and articulate among the four of us and that makes her the center of any conversation. that left me feeling intimidated with her that i always found myself nervous when talking to her, afraid i won't be able to say the right words. i don't remember having wacky times with her unlike with shine but that doesn't mean i love her less. she have given me a strong sense of character and shine taught me to enjoy life as it throw rotten tomatoes. but my youngest sister katrina is closest to my heart. i remember hating her so much when i was younger for stealing me the title i've held on to for 8 years, the "bunso" title. But she was so dear that i always find myself forgiving her for using my things i told her no to, and losing it afterwards. I enjoy the new title i am having now as her "ate" and all the advantages it brings. sometimes i hate her for being "maarte" but i know she'll go past that stage like i did. at 16, she has been my constant company whose always willing to share a wrestling moment and tickle fight with me.

richelle and shine are now both living abroad. They have their own families already but we were never too old to make each other feel special. i have always longed to have a brother who could have made a big difference in our lives, but i can't help but smile whenever i remember having three sisters who've made growing up a whole lot better.

love in the making

Past midnight, my whole being was screaming for rest for I have been so consumed by the never ending activities I’ve been doing these days…and the list goes on. I’ve almost forgotten to be alone with myself and find out how I am doing lately. I don’t even know if I have already managed to move a step forward from the dark past I’ve been. I am having a hard time to sleep. My mind won’t let me sleep. My heart is arguing with me for being neglected for the longest time. But it was a choice. A choice that has demanded a lot of will power from me that sometimes, I just wanted to break free from the barriers I’ve made myself. I have been a slave of my emotions all my life, and now, I’ve decided to take charge and be the boss. My heart can’t fool me anymore. So there it was, caged, preserved, restored. The last lime I’ve used it for its purpose, I found it there in the gutter, trashed. I have always disagreed and agreed with myself, that love has rules to follow, and I always seem to forget. So now, I must at all cost learn to play by the rules. Sometimes, I wonder what could be a better choice. Whether to be a successful cynic,
or a failed romantic. Sometimes I want to go for both… Although there were still days of having wishful thinking, I’d quickly resign. If I am to fool myself, I’d think of love as a wonderful feeling, because that’s how I’ve always imagined love would be, simple yet romantic, painful and yet everlasting. Sometimes, it seems like time is running out, that I only have a few minutes left to decide whether I will risk myself or just stay away for good – and a lifetime to regret any wrong moves I will take. Everyday I remind myself that life is too short to be spent wondering if love deserves a chance. There were times when I just want to live in my surreal world, and love like I’ve never been hurt –and sometimes I just want to keep my heart to myself. The next thing I know, I was half-heartedly going for it, as if I have all the strength to armor me, yet trembling in fear. I’ve wasted all my life making a choice. I actually have all the reasons not to love, but I still do. After spending hours and hours of convincing myself that love will just hurt, it all boils down to one thing in the end… that if something hurts, then maybe it’s really worth a try.

life is but a dream

looking back to the life i've had when i was a child doesn't give me the right amount of satisfaction i needed to feel complete. as i look back, it only made me realize how i've been deprived with so much happiness which i well-deserved. Lots of unhappy memories still linger in my mind, like an old movie i've seen countless times. Something i've gotten used to overtime. Sometimes, pain have become so familiar, it stayed longer than usual. More and more, i can only long for a heart that was glad.

when i was 13, i felt a prisoner of my own fears. it seemed i have built this self-made cage to protect myself from anything that could possibly hurt. i wasn't really scared but i wasn't brave either, so i hid behind the shadow of my own self. I grew up in a big house old house with grandma who was so scared i'd become a teenage mom or a high school drop out that she forbided me to experience the world, even to be myself. She was no doubt the most loving and caring grandmother i could ever have, but there's a lot i have to know. I can only dream of being free, dreamland have been my constant escape to the reality i can never embrace. I imagined life to be the sweetest thing, and while i was at it, i wish to grow up fast... There is a lot i have to make out of my life, and i wanted to start soon.

in a few months, i'll turn 24. I am still the same 13 year old whose always afraid of the unknown. But this time, a little braver. I have stepped out of that cage because i'm sure i won't be needing that anymore. Grandma must have been really proud to know i wasn't any of what she'd thought i'd become. I forgot to say that once in a while, i sneaked out of grandma's sight to experience the world, and i had a blast. Dreamland never closes its door.

sweet dreams.

how does one feel whenever one has to say goodbye to good things in his / her life? does one has to blame herself? will crying be enough to exhaust one's self from pain? will it be best to immerse yourself in the sea of all those good things? when as much as it will give you the happiness you're not yet ready to miss, it will also leave you trapped in a surreal world you dont ever want to find yourself forever. does one has to be willing to accept even the bad stuff just so one can move on? or every waking day will just be a living testimonial that things can never be the same like before. i don't exactly know. but i do know something, that whichever one choses to do, it won't guarrantee a better life...a better morning ahead of you.
is it mortal sin to close your eyes to things you don't want to see? if you choose to be blind and pretend to be strong, will you have better judgement over circumstances? will it make you more ideal to other people? if you shut your mouth in times when you want to speak, if you intend to just listen and accept what seems to be deafening to your ears, will it make you understanding? will you be appreciated for that? or be thanked at the least? if you consider others' emotions first and foremost, and decided to leave yours unnoticed, will it stop the good things from ending? will it make you a better person? a better friend? a better boyfriend or girlfriend? for some maybe. for those who haven't seen your worth yet. for those who haven't noticed you've been trying this hard already.
i don't want to forget beautiful things. they are always a good source of happiness whenever times are low. it's the cheapest way to feel good when life tastes like bitter candy. but good things do end. either you want to accept it or not. from this day, i'm afraid things will completely change for me people will not be the same like before, happy moments will just bring pain because i don't know what's true anymore. did i only fool myself that's why i had those good memories? or did they truly exist? it's painful that you don't learn from past mistakes, because you rather learn to trust again...just to be hurt even more.the only emotion i am able to recognize at the moment is regret. regret that i only found out recently, that no amount of good things that you do can ever make something last forever.