WITH SHATTERED HEART AND TATTERED SOUL.

I feel sorry for myself. I regret that i never try to learn from past mistakes that i always end up doing just the same. I remember starting out just perfectly fine. I have loved, trusted enough, lived life to it's fullest. I didn't wish to be fooled. Nobody did i am sure. But while in the midst of incomparable happiness. loneliness struck me with its painful fang. I bled to death yet remained still. I cried sea of tears for a once happy yesterday i was in. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to that moment, neither to the company of trust. Never did i wanted to let go. But somebody just stole it away... and when he gave it back to me, it was all broken into pieces i can hardly glue back. What did i do wrong to deserve such punishment? I was left with only two choices which both lead to self-destruction. Either i run away to save myself or be brave enough to touch the broken pieces of my trust. I chose to stay, between leaving the one you love and working on a broken trust, i found the latter tolerable. But i was wrong. Every moment that i try to pick up the pieces, i end up wounding myself. Wounds that came one after the other. It seemed like time never healed it because i never wanted to. I want to nurture the pain so i can live stronger. I forgot that the wound has to heal so i might learn the lesson of forgiveness. Now that i've turned into somebody who will do everything to protect herself from further pain, nobody wants to be with me. As if i wanted to be this way. I am just a product of their selfless actions, but now, i am the one to suffer. I obsessed over the broken trust i desperately wanted to glue back, so i can love again like i've never been hurt...but in the process of putting the pieces back, i got broken,too. Yet this time, i am left lying shattered with no one to pick me up and try to make me whole.

Guni-Guni

Nasan kaya ang mga panahon na walang pagsidlan ang saya? Tila napag iwanan nako ng mga magagandang bagay sa buhay ko na dati naman ay nandyan lang. Isang araw nagising na lang ako na puno ng takot. Bawat paghinga ay may kirot sa dibdib ko, na para bang nagbabadya ng isang masamang pangyayari. Sa katagalan pakiramdam ko nagbago silang lahat. Hindi ko naman ginusto pero sumabay ako sa pagbabago. Bakit nga ba? Masaya naman ako bilang ako. Ganun yata talaga, ang pagbabago ay hinihingi ng panahon. Sa bawat hakbang na tinatahak ko, hinanap ko yung sarili ko. Naramdaman ko na tila anino na lang ako na naglalakbay sa kawalan. At sa hindi inaasahang sandali, may nakita akong ibang tao kasama ko sa paglalakbay. Malungkot. Galit. Puno ng takot. Pinagmasdan ko sya, pero wala palang magagawa ang mga tingin. Inakala ko na isa lamang syang guni guni. Ngunit hindi pala. Sya pala ay ang totoong ako. Sya na pala ang nakikita ng lahat. At ako? hindi na nila ko nakikta. Kasama ko ang iba pang anino ng mga taong binago ng panahon. Magmamasid sa dahan dahang pagkalugmok ng lahat sa kalungkutan dala ng galit at takot...