Masscom Misfit

I remember the first time I entered the university of not merely my choice, where i had a mixture of both excitement and fear. I was such a fragile and naive girl way back and college life was not for me, or so i would like to think. Petty reasons mattered to me like it meant the whole world, i was being my childish, narrow minded self. There were two things that were going around my head at that time. First, if it was a right choice to study in that university, well, let's just say that i chose it because i had used my heart, literally. An ex-love was in that same school and for a girl who was so unsure of herself at that moment, the next best thing was to follow him, enough said. Second, I don't like my course. I have other plans in mind, back then, i wanted to take up Psychology, Culinary Arts or Foreign Service. My father wanted me to study music, my mother wanted me to take up Mass Communication.Pretty obvious, my mother won. After long hours of arguing with her, i gave up. At first, I was acting as if I was doing well, that i was having a great time. Since I had great friends, and though i was clueless about the course i was into, i became comfortable. But just when i was starting to find my place, something terrible happened. There came an opportunity to study abroad but it required me to take up nursing. I refused and my parents did not push through but in return, i couldn't continue with my course either. I stopped for one semester till I was able to convince everyone that my course is fine anyway. When i went back to school, that's when everything started to change. It felt like I was in a whole new world, where running away is not an option. I found it hard to cope up in everything, and, in the middle of my struggle to be back on track, i've found myself unhappy and devastated. I've hated my course, i hate Mass Communication. I am not everything it requires me be. I hate the people i often have no choice but to deal with. They acted so superior, so hard to level up with. So there I was, always taking up the backseat, i never did try to fit in, I've closed my door to new friendships, i don't like them all anyway.I don't ever wanted to be like them. I've tried a lot of times to escape, but God have kept the doors closed. So I continued, for i was able to put my trust in him who have the reasons why I am in this course anyway. Little by little, I became tired of taking the backseat, i became tired of keeping my ideas to myself. Suddenly, i wanted to show everyone around me that I also have what it takes. I became tired of having no one to deal with but myself, so one by one, i had befriend them, and to my shame, a lot of them i have misjudged.Fast forward to the present, i can only smile as i try to be nostalgic. Mass Communication and all the people I've refused to deal with are wonderful. It is a brood of exceptional talents. What i've gone through were not because the course is not a good one or the people are not good either, but, because of me. I failed to grow up and i remained unsure of myself and the things i wanted. I've pretended to fight for something i actually don't have a heart for. I became blinded by my fears and pride, which in the long run, have not taken me anywhere. I can only regret those times i've wasted wallowing and whinning over petty things, but, i am grateful that i've set things right, just in time before i ruined everything. I've come to appreciate the beauty of this world where i am into, which I may not have chosen in the beginning, yet, have nestled me during those times i was busy finding myself.