When the going gets tough...

…its easy to just give up on your dreams and surrender to your fears. But you do just that and you spend a lifetime wanting to kill yourself for being such a scaredy cat (and of course you hate the idea) :D Can I just say that I’ve been there and I’ve done that? Of course I have never been close to killing myself, duh. But, I’ve always been a scaredy cat and I always let my dreams crash into pieces and into the ground.

Just few weeks ago, I wanted something really bad and like a helpless, pathetic kid who has gone insane, I bargained with myself. If I aint getting what I want, I aint gonna settle for anything less either. But then heaven must’ve heard me crying out loud and due to my persistent bugging, I sensed God sending me an answer.

NO, that is, or probably…NOT YET.

Okay, so i don’t mind waiting. I can spend the rest my life waiting anyway. So long that its as good as finally waking up to find my life back on track. But the only problem I see is that I get bored easily, so how to deal? Hu-hu.. I’m lost.

However, I would love to be the TOUGH who got herself going even under dire times.

***

which reminds me of this classic adage:

“Patience is a Virtue”

so help me God.

Maligayang Pasko!

Peace on earth and goodwill to men

Peace, Love & Rock n Roll!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Pasko na naman!

O! kay tulin ng araw!!

What's in my mind

1.) Fuck the anime Fillers of Naruto, Bleach and i'm still hoping that Gintama would someday be back.
2.) How money circulates in Philippines?
a.)Corrupt politician will gamble the money to casino
b.)then casino returns sums of money loss of money to the gov't.
c.)Repeat a then b again and again
3.) School is business really
4.) Even though i rant in my blog,i'm still a loving jolly person.
4.) It's Christmas! and i have no money yet i still have gifts!
5.) Everyone is recycling others gifts.
6.) How come surplus shops sells expensive stuffs?
7.) NU 107 station is a big loss for real music bands.(Curse you baby,baby ohh and your hair)
8.) Taxi should issue receipts
9.) Motorcycles should have a separate lane.
10.) Why is my way a huge hit on beer house?
11.) Eat less, move more
12.) Why did Damaso guy apologized to those hypocrites?
13.) I think Thomas Edison is the coolest inventor ever(we have the same birthdate)
14.) Why are there so much traffic enforcers yet there's to much traffic caused by buses,jeepneys and motorcycles)
15.) I think motorcycles should have separate lanes
16.) Why do people spend to much internet in learning everything.
17.) Conan o'Brien Rocks, Jay Leno is an ass.
18.) I think Japan is cool because my music idols are there.
19.) Why do some drummers thinks big sound and loud sound are the same.
20.) Pilipinas kay ganda stinks really bad.
21.) The ombudsman who made a pre-bargain deal with the former general stinks more than Pilipinas kay Ganda.
22.) What really stinks them all is the Party list leader who "represents the security guards" doesn't give an ass to his represented people.
23.) How come our broadband offers 3.6 mbps yet the fastest speed i got was 1 mbps.
24.) How come Nora Aunor makes scary Christmas songs.
25.) Family guy is the shit.
26.) How come a plastic sealant advertisement is using the backing tracks of Steve Houghton.
27.) Why is North Korea being an ass again and again
28.) I hate MTV.
29.) I want to be a kick ass drummer.
30.) I love calamansi juice
31.) Why is the lemonade pomelo flavor gone?
32.) There are many more kick ass music than you see on tv.
33.) i hate user-friendly people
34.) I love tender juicy hotdogs.
35.) Why is the sweet pickle in the cheese burger of tropical hut gone?
36.) Why do Filipinos aspire white skin while the people we aspire love our skin?
37.) I want to inspire the world.
38.) Why is Mayweather scared of Pacman.
39.) APO hiking society is great.
40.) Steve Gadd is Kick ass and Gavin Harrison is inspiring.
41.) My underarm still stinks greater in my right side than the other.
42.) Crimes off today are getting better and better and the cops are still looking for kotong.
43.) DOJ sec. should be a role model to all politicians who have no balls.
44.) Jazz is great but why tugish takish nonsense music is appreciated more?
45.) I'm scared of Carpal tunnel syndrome and tendonitis.
46.) I hate monopolization but i love the board game monopoly.
47.) I love chili! and spicy foods that can make my ass have hemoroids(just joking)
48.) For a Optimistic view,i'm quite a pessimist.
49.) Exercise should be a law.
50.) I want to jog till my brains pop out.
51.) I hate global warming.
52.) I love globalization but hate the idea that we are still losers and still in the bottom of chain.
53.) Why are people hooked more in wrestling? they are like the teledramas.
54.) Why do ballers walk slow?
55.) How come hip hop artist loves the glamour?
56.) Why do we love rumors?
57.) Why are we interested in the personal life of celebrities?
58.) Why are there celebrities that really suck but are still there?
59.) Why do technology compress everything in a gadget that was not meant for it's real purpose?
60.) Practice makes perfect, but Nobody is perfect, so why practice?

Black and White

I attended a Black and White Masquerade last night at Sofitel Philippine Plaza, where everything and everyone was nothing but glitz and glamour. It was The Philippine Star’s Christmas party and it was like a parade of beauties all rolled into one. The theme was black and white and everyone must wear a mask. As expected, everyone came in their best masquerade outfit and i had fun people-watching. I remembered I was one of the many who voted for the masquerade theme because I have always wanted to attend a ball where everyone’s identity is concealed. Maybe because I believe that we are all really hidding under invisible masks everyday, trying to hide something we only want to keep to ourselves. No wonder masks look mysterious…and lonely,too.

I quietly sat down at the corner table and wonder what could have been hidden under the masks of these people. I, myself, have been feeling a different kind of tension that I constantly find myself walking outside the room and into the cool,dark place where the bay is at view. Ah, that was the perfect place to unmask, nobody’s there to judge should I happen to reveal a not so beautiful me. Nobody’s there to laugh should I happen to be my stupid, clumsy self. Nobody’s there to be disappointed should I happen to be imperfect. Nobody’s there to know that I was hurting. So much that I just wanted to wear my mask forever. There were a lot of things that were unseen and pretentions…sometimes it can get very tiring.

I went back inside the room and though I was no longer wearing my mask, I can still feel as though I still have one. I welcomed myself to the place where everything was just black and white… We all belong here anyway. And for a while, I convinced myself that it was a whole lot better here, because it is an escape to some realities that I can’t take anymore.

***

unmasked

no pretentions.

“God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another.”

-William Shakespeare

***

Take a bow, the night is over
this masquerade is getting older
lights are low, the curtains down
There’s no one here.

Say your lines but do you feel it?
Do you mean what you say when there’s no one around
Watching you, watching me
one lonely star.

I’ve always been in love with you
I guess you’ve always known its true
You took my love for granted why? oh why?
The show is over say goodbye.

Make them laugh it comes so easy
When you get to the part where you’re breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown.

Wish you well I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played
No more masquerade, you’re one lonely star.

All the world is a stage
and everyone has their part
but how was I to know which way the story’d go
how was I to know you’d break my heart.

I’ve always been in love with you.

BADjao

Badjao is one of our treasured cultures in the country but why are
they making such a fuzz right now?
They are known as sea gypsies of the Mindanao but why are they
in Manila begging for alms,then selling stuffs like expensive
pre-packed candies and yet harassing people for alms. Some
of them spit on you,hurting you or taking some of your stuff(if you carry lots of things). Why are Gov't officials taking this case?
is there a big syndicate behind this treasured people? They taint
there roots so that they can gain lots of money?
I've seen kuligligs that transport many badjao kids to beg
in the Manila area specifically in Morayta quite a few times.
Unlike the common things that i've experienced such as baliw,
kids that clean your feet with a dirty rag(and i'm wearing slippers).
Badjao here are very aggressive, i've experienced a mother and child.
The mother was playing a hand drum(made of Pipes and they are quite
consistent on how it's made,i saw in Alabang, Paranque, Manila, and Pasay)
and the kid was distributing the envelope. One passenger refused the envelope
and returned to the kid nicely but the kid got aggressive. She threw the envelope
to the passenger again. Then same thing,the women returned in but the kid
returned it in a very bad manner. The kid forcefully put the envelope on the
passengers chest and threatened the person. So are they begging for alms?
or they didn't hit their quota yet. Another story is that they sell
candies that are packed for 50 pesos,not only that they force you, hold you on
your clothes and use a bad language to sell thier stuff.
Some badjaos even have brgy. I.D.'s so that they wouldn't be caught but they
really don't know where it is. So what's the real deal about them?
i respect their culture and the authorities should take this seriously(suntok sa buwan siguro).Don't let them get tainted and to be used by bad people..

Justice?

Not that i'm disappointed but recent events have made me really
think that is there justice for not so rich people?
I mean the people in power can afford all the attorneys they
can get but why are rich and powerful people is favored?
I know there rules and stuff but why are there special treatments,
and the long long delays of the trials so the accused that is really
guilty can get away.. Maybe Lacson is right that he doesn't trust the justice system
and yet he was the chief of the PNP in his days. I just feel bad
for those people like the vizconde,ampatuan massacre and that girl who
was thrown in the bay inside a tank with her body in cement.
i just feel bad..

Killing is just a matter of time

Why do such people in power still be in their positions even though they are corrupt?
Why do such companies still abuse the people even though they killed many?
Is this justice? Or just money?
Money that can make the wrong right.
Money that can delay wrong things until it’s buried
Why is the justice takes a long time for us?
Why are the corrupt people still in power yet they have a case?
Why do influential people still looks good to others yet they are in charge of such drugs or so?
Why is a shipping company still there offering “service” yet they are still in 2 cases of
Problems that aren’t solved?(and both of their big ships are still submerged)
I know this is not my problem alone but I’m just sad not many people
Doesn’t care anymore after the media has stopped it’s attention on it.
What happened to the Euro-Generals who are going to retire after their “seminar” and brought lots of money?
I know there are MORE things that are left unnoticed and to be buried thru the method of long time till it’s gone.
It’s weird that I’m an optimist yet all I see are more negatives. I’m just sad for us..

Discipline!

A simple word yet it’s hard to follow.
Why is it hard to follow?
Is it because of the environment that we knew?
Or it feels unfair that everyone does it that you feel out of place.
You want to be good at something
Yet all you do is dream.
Dream is for inspiration
But talent needs be worked in blood.
We can’t we follow such thing?

Blood, sweat and luxuries (reality/documentary)

I’m not good in telling such stuff and this is not a review of the show.
I saw this show in Australian channel and I was deeply moved.
It shows a group of People who live in such luxuries who are immersed
From the source of their luxuries. Luxuries such as leather stuffs, gold
Jewelries and electronic gadgets. I think it has 5 or so episodes but I only get to
Watch the last 2 episodes. Our country(Philippines) was part of their immersion.
The hierarchy of things in Globalization is a deep issue here. The raw
Materials that came from 3rd world countries and the labor is fucking cheap
But when the item is branded and exported to the “other high countries”. They
Got the big income and from that raw material, they increase the profit a ten to a hundred
Fold. The laborers of that product couldn’t afford the item that they produced.
The people who immersed to the countries where shocked from what they saw.
One of the guy who was working all day, he said I just want to study but he is forced
In a environment that to live you must work. In the Philippines, they got to bond with some of the co workers and know the situation of their life. One of them is forced to work
For their family and child who lives in the province. They went to the province and was shocked that the child doesn’t recognize his mother as her own because the child doesn’t see his mother often. It’s very ironic that the mother is the one working for their survival yet her own child doesn’t acknowledge his own mom. It’s very heart wrecking to see, how much if you are the one on her own place. Why is it that the term Globalization still benefits the higher countries more than the third world countries. I think this globalization is quite wrong, In our country, the former president said we are going towards globalization yet why are we still in ruins?
It’s just a harsh reality for me..