Knocking on a Cold Heart

For a time, I felt numb. My fingers were cold as ice. I can hear people's voices echoing at the back of my head, but it felt like there was a glass wall surrounding me that I can not hear what they say exactly. I probably looked so pathetic because people can't help but stare. I cried rivers of tears while trying to gather all the strength i have, just to hold on. Hold on to dear life...hold on to my love. Words like I don't care anymore, you're not worth my time, lets end this cut a hole in my heart and breathing seemed harder that having my moments of asthma attack. it felt like hell... Then finally i snapped back to life, remembering where I was. Vehicles of all kinds were passing by in front of me, suffocating me with thick black smoke while people rush from here and there...chasing time. While mine stopped the moment i read his messages. I'm not even sure if it was the time, or was it my world that suddenly stopped for a while. Realizing i was making a fool out of myself, it made me fathom why some people looked at me the way they would on a lunatic. I was standing on the sides of the street, teary-eyed and all. Being left behind by someone I've fought for till the ends of the earth.Sometimes, i wanted something better for myself. I wanted to believe I deserve more. And I feel that way sometimes too often that I actually live and breathe only just to feel it. I sat on the stairs of an abandoned building, losing grip on what I've believed was mine forever. He made me believe it though. It was a promise of forever until our next big fight. Then all of what we seemed to have established for a stronger relationship falls apart. My whole being screamed for justice. I was wrong and sorry but there was no chance of forgiveness. I cried over times i almost wanted to let go because of mistakes he have done, but to no avail. I wanted to let go...I don't deserve to beg after all. But what do I deserve anyway. I've lost all the faith I have for myself. My knees were shaking but I stood up and decided to walk straightaway. I head towards the road to forgiveness...where i'll see my love. He needs it more than I do. Although I hope he will see that I deserve it too. I never took walking away as an option. My heart only tells me to continue walking ahead. Even if I wasn't sure at the time if he will meet me halfway.