Junk in my head

I miss doing blogs. I don’t know if anyone reads my junk in my head, but it’s quite a therapy for me. There's a lot for me lately, I’m few inches away from graduating. My feeling right now is that I’m against all odds. Even the holy representatives of God are making me curse them(don’t take this literally). My ghost of irresponsibility is catching me up also. I’m just coping up still but I know one frickin nonsense will really blow me up. I think my irresponsibility was my own fear of facing life after college, a rockstar mentality that I will be part of some big band or whatever but first we have get rid of those monopolizing production. I have to make them rot the soup and make the star be devoured by a blackhole with their nonsense shits. Back in my junk, why is it like this? I just want to be mediocre like everyone else but it won’t get me nowhere. I want to make a difference in my life, I did few things that made my school shake. It’s quite blooming now but it’s hard to be part of the transition. I have to be strong. There are more things that I want to change and it’s for the betterment of things. I’m so saddened by people who doesn’t want change because it’s the comfort zone or they are to scared to risk. I don’t know now what to think. There is to much crap in my mind, I just want to get this of me and eat tacobel to death. I just want to finish it, but it really sucks when the corruption of others affects you. The corruption that you want to change is the one that's holding you down. I want to fight for it but my allies tells me to be calm and let them do their work. I’m not patient enough in this things. I’m a very frank person, It’s my asset but it’s also my own devil in me. It’s quite hard to set it right. Thankful to my Significant other(Vanessa.. yihee!), I’m able to use this in a positive and civilized manner. Why think of this in my graduation? I don’t know, there is a big pressure in graduating. I think it’s not the graduation that I’m scared, maybe It’s the real life after college that's scarings the shit out of me. I'm not feeling the regret of this course in my music. If i wasn't a risk taker in my college, i would be a different person. A mediocre person. I wouldn't have met my Girlfriend and my partner in food crime if i didn't took this course. It made me stronger because of this art that is still full of corruption and politics. Maybe it's heaven if everything that is nice. As my life starts to end in my college, i don't know where to start after October hopefully and i will make it. I just hope that i'll use what i learned in my long time of study. It's fun, going in far places even in Thailand and Taiwan. Hopefully the travel and fun of music doesn't stop there. It's hard to face real life, most Filipino are optimistic but doesn't face real life. They all just blame the gov't.Others do a lot of children and make them laborers of alms. More things are going to my head still but it reduced some crap. I still have to study complicated pieces for my recital for less than a month and i still don't know when will i start. I'm affected of this change that i want but more affected in the crap of this corruption and money and all that shit. I hope what i started will end beautifully and i hope that my influence of change in system that shares the same ideals and perception will stay when i leave. I'm optimistic still but shit i really have to graduate to i can change the music industry after all the crap i have encountered on school. Will i able to make it after this? Let's find out. I'm gonna go out and start the change.. I'm not just gonna say all crap.. I'm gonna do all crap hehe.. maybe i'll succeed but it depends on those power hungry people. But hopefully i'll win it in the end.