Thinking out Loud.

Lately, I have been feeling the following:

1.) lost
2.) undecided
3.) restless
4.) insignificant
5.) out of place

This year marked an important event in my life because it has been my transition from being a dependent junkie to complete adulthood. Finally, I earned a degree in college amidst the obstacles I have managed to surpass with flying colors. I remember having daydreams about what I'll be once I step out of college, the possibilities were endless. But here I am, trapped in a world that's completely different from mine. Yesterday, I was having high hopes about my future, today, I'm not so sure. This morning, I woke up with the realization that 2009 isn't my time to shine. Its my time to applaud and watch other people who are having a great year. But its not having bitterness over life, thus, accepting that my star would shine brightest in the years to come. I guess its pretty weird but normal to feel like this when the year is about to end. A part of me is still hoping that things will take a U-turn and head on a better road for me. But for the meantime, I don't mind taking the backseat like I used to, and cheer for loved ones who are successfully making their way to the top. And though I am not playing a big part in this stage play called life for now, I will be the best that I can be in the role that l have. Here's a few part of a poem I chanced upon when I was in high school. It has been my constant motivation since then.

"Hold on to your dream, not too tightly for it might break... Not too loosely for it might slip away. Just hold on to your dream, and it will find you."

Here's hoping for great opportunities come 2010 with my fingers crossed and with my dreams surrendered to a power greater than mine. A power that can only be God's. I know he's just sitting there somewhere near the front row, being the audience he has always been. If all the world is a stage and God is the director who's constantly checking up on our performances...then I better start proving myself worthy of that center stage. I'll keep you posted ;)