Junk in my head

I miss doing blogs. I don’t know if anyone reads my junk in my head, but it’s quite a therapy for me. There's a lot for me lately, I’m few inches away from graduating. My feeling right now is that I’m against all odds. Even the holy representatives of God are making me curse them(don’t take this literally). My ghost of irresponsibility is catching me up also. I’m just coping up still but I know one frickin nonsense will really blow me up. I think my irresponsibility was my own fear of facing life after college, a rockstar mentality that I will be part of some big band or whatever but first we have get rid of those monopolizing production. I have to make them rot the soup and make the star be devoured by a blackhole with their nonsense shits. Back in my junk, why is it like this? I just want to be mediocre like everyone else but it won’t get me nowhere. I want to make a difference in my life, I did few things that made my school shake. It’s quite blooming now but it’s hard to be part of the transition. I have to be strong. There are more things that I want to change and it’s for the betterment of things. I’m so saddened by people who doesn’t want change because it’s the comfort zone or they are to scared to risk. I don’t know now what to think. There is to much crap in my mind, I just want to get this of me and eat tacobel to death. I just want to finish it, but it really sucks when the corruption of others affects you. The corruption that you want to change is the one that's holding you down. I want to fight for it but my allies tells me to be calm and let them do their work. I’m not patient enough in this things. I’m a very frank person, It’s my asset but it’s also my own devil in me. It’s quite hard to set it right. Thankful to my Significant other(Vanessa.. yihee!), I’m able to use this in a positive and civilized manner. Why think of this in my graduation? I don’t know, there is a big pressure in graduating. I think it’s not the graduation that I’m scared, maybe It’s the real life after college that's scarings the shit out of me. I'm not feeling the regret of this course in my music. If i wasn't a risk taker in my college, i would be a different person. A mediocre person. I wouldn't have met my Girlfriend and my partner in food crime if i didn't took this course. It made me stronger because of this art that is still full of corruption and politics. Maybe it's heaven if everything that is nice. As my life starts to end in my college, i don't know where to start after October hopefully and i will make it. I just hope that i'll use what i learned in my long time of study. It's fun, going in far places even in Thailand and Taiwan. Hopefully the travel and fun of music doesn't stop there. It's hard to face real life, most Filipino are optimistic but doesn't face real life. They all just blame the gov't.Others do a lot of children and make them laborers of alms. More things are going to my head still but it reduced some crap. I still have to study complicated pieces for my recital for less than a month and i still don't know when will i start. I'm affected of this change that i want but more affected in the crap of this corruption and money and all that shit. I hope what i started will end beautifully and i hope that my influence of change in system that shares the same ideals and perception will stay when i leave. I'm optimistic still but shit i really have to graduate to i can change the music industry after all the crap i have encountered on school. Will i able to make it after this? Let's find out. I'm gonna go out and start the change.. I'm not just gonna say all crap.. I'm gonna do all crap hehe.. maybe i'll succeed but it depends on those power hungry people. But hopefully i'll win it in the end.

Manic Monday

“Father, father send some guidance from above, these people got me into questioning…where is the love?”

Where is love in all of these, Lord? When you taught us to love each other as we love ourselves.

Where is love in all of these, Lord? When you demonstrated perfect love when you gave up your son on the cross.

Where is love in all of these, Lord? When you asked us to forgive others and to stop pointing fingers.

Where is love in all of these, Lord? When you promised us peace in times of trouble.

Where is love, Lord? I can’t find it in our hearts.

Remind us that amidst everything that has happened, still the greatest is LOVE.

ibalik mu jacket ko!!!!!!! whaa!!

Harsh reality is for everyone.. it makes us worthy of living in this wonderful earth(but nature is very angry because many of us aren't responsible enough).
Anyway.. As any 4th yr. high school would be.. you are so damn pressured and clueless in your college course.. as my guidance counselor told me,i would be a successful swordsmith(panday wtf) anyway.. i applied in 3 major universities UST,UP,DLSU..
In UP my test was ruined becaused i misunderstood what my sister told me.. i thought it was right minus wrong,but the reality was right minus 1 but in 4 mistakes.. so i kissed the ruins of UP gudbye and i hope the one beside me didn't pass because he ate a jabee burger that completly made everyone starved.. anyway.. in DLSU.. i made a mistake... i passed but didn't like my courses.. hehe.. anyway in UST i passed in civil engineering,i was ready to reserve my slot but didn't do it... instead i went to music.. and what a frickin world..

i dunno why.. but what the hell... i hate my frickin senior who i will renamed.. instead of guiding us to be better.. he just made us look like a failure.. i reacted by not showing up and making up a decision to be a rockstar and not to study..
hope that there would be a break and be famous and escape the harsh ways of school.. instead i choke up.. many times... i had some breaks but didn't take it.. i had a chance of being a drummer of a certain "very good singer" but didn't take it.. i'm just scared the shit of myself.. anyway.. i had to face them one by one.. being in charge of my own and not be scared.. i studied.. and studied.. and regret.. many regrets.. why i didn't took studies seriously.. anyway.. many opportunities later.. still didn't take it.. but i'm near to my goal and graduate.. my ghost of irresponsibility has followed me.. it's still pulling me down... and i want to fight but i don't know how...

Star Light, Star Bright!

Okay, so let me say that this one is in partial fulfillment of my previous blog post. Yes, the one that sounds bitter even when hidden under sugar coated words. (Please refer to blog post entitled “Thinking Out Loud”)
That time, I was a junkie fresh out of college, not a bum but an Account Manager at an Interior Design firm. So what was the bitterness all about? It was all about me not knowing where my life was taking me because I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I feel blessed to be able to find a decent job the moment i stepped out of college but I know that I wanted something else. I hold on to my faith that my star would shine brightest come 2010. And guess what? Not only did it shine brightest, it literally took me to the STAR. Never in my wildest dream did i ever imagine working in The Philippine Star, but, let’s just say that my life took a full 360 degrees turn and it brought me here. Now, I can say that I am happier though I still have to take a lot of baby steps from where I am now. But who knows, my star would be brightest in the years to come.

Bad Romance

I did it! We did it! I still cant believe that i actually danced in front of a huge crowd but i did it anyway. Whew!
Forgive me but I’d rather have the mic and sing to save a life, but my asthma attack that day left me with no other choice but to dance. But what matters now is that its finally over and it was no sweat We all had a good laugh and it felt great to go out of your comfort zone sometimes to face your fears. And then again, shaking my booty to the tune of bad romance, wasn’t that bad after all.

The mostest Mushyiestest super duperest thing in my life... Si Vany.. hehe..

HI! I'm Alvin.. Sobrang in love kay Vany..
Kahit madaming masasamang espirito dyan na umiikot.. I hold the truth.. God is truth..
Kaya manira pa kayo.. kakain na lang kame isquidbols kesa isipin pa mga kalokohan nyo..
we Don't care.. Si Vany ay isang reserved na tao(whoa!) hehe.. lot's of patience.. as in! nahawa sa pagkahighblood ko.. hehe.. nakakatiis ng pagkaweirdo ko.. laging nakasupport sakin.. kung pwede nga lang siya maging supporter na tunay e wag na lang.. hehe.. magiging lage siyang kasama ng balls ko.. hehe..
Nakakaappreciate kame ng simpleng bagay.. nakakahugot na siya ng positive vibes sa mga pangit na bagay.. dati hindi.. bat kaya..hehe.. basta nasusian ko siya kung isang gabi ng linggo para maset free ang kanyang utak to all the other things that can make you happy.. wag maging dirty mind..
Kung hindi maintindihan wag na pilitin.. nahihigh ako dito sa amoy ng parlor.. hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit may parlor na kalahati tong netshop..

Si Vany ay mabait,masayahin,energetic,adventurous,emo,goth,jejemon,jejebuster,
badudles,makulit,religous,conservative,mahilig magpambahay,chillax,happy,mellow,mayaman,demigod,may nunal,hupaw,punk not dead,mahilig sa tubig,fave fruit ang banana(wag na kumontra),mahilig sa malunggay,hindi t-rex maglakad pag nakaheels,enjoy pag maingay,enjoy pag tahimik,tulo laway,maganda ang boses,poker face,tulog mantika,rocker,fashionista,shinny long legs,pearly white teeth,undecided hairstyle(kahit anung gawin ok naman),kuripot sa sarili,putok fuse,sarap to the bones,angelic presence,magaling magjoke(di lang madeliver),future great cook,shy,conyo,masa,highblood,freedon fighter,nice,matakaw,health conscious,nature lover,kick ass.. hehe.. basta love ko yan.. this blog may look like a freakin' joke pero this is what i feel about her..happy,happy,joy,joy... just pure happiness... Apir!

A letter who claim they use art to fight the gov't but they are just the same

Who are they? some "musikero" who monopolize the scene. They are in a huge group that already made it,then they make another band with another peeps from a hug band,then they make it again,then they mix it up again with other peeps who are also big in the scene,then alas! mtv and myx.you just their face all day in just different groups.

You monopolize the scene,just earning for a living? just want to express? how about the other bands in the scene there are some worthy band who can make it but you don't let then. All that tugish takish shit.. mahiya naman kayo.. or your just performers na naubos na ang hiya kakalabas sa lahat..

Partylist sucks

Partylist was done for voices of such advocate groups to be heard and make their way for gov't. But now i don't get it at all.Last elections they just wasted more than half of the paper.And they put one before the party list name so it would be first like 1-wtf.why?

I think they don't follow the true essence of their purpose.One partylist claim that they are for the youth but in their ads they just attack one politician,then i saw in the news that the name of the partylist was involved in stealing the chairs in PUP. Some partylist just use the money to fund the rally against the gov't.why do this shit?
then some nasty ass politician who screwed up the electricity bought a partylist? why this shit again... abolish partylist!

penge pera!

wala na akong pera! whaa!!!!

MY MAN

...his patience and understanding are astounding. When everyone else have turned their backs away because of my bitchiness, he smiles and holds me close and whispers calmly to my ear. He is the anchor that holds me steady. He is the wind that helps me soar through the skies. He is the star that keeps me from getting lost. In his arms, I am home.

...my always weary heart gets into his nerves. my constant arguing about petty things test his patience and makes him lose control. My jealousy pushes him to the edge of his temper. I can go on and on about me being childish in many ways but our love remained steadfast. You see, he is loving me like he did the first time. He overlooks every shortcomings that we have, with an open arms to embrace our differences. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl when i'm with him.He is simply superb.

...i honestly love to hate him. His little ways sometimes irritates me to the fullest. I hate it when he seems to get away with everything, but that's how he has always been. My life could have been easier, simplier without him...but it also could have been so incomplete....

...I saw us recovering from past hurts, and healing and growing together. I saw us working side by side, doing more things together and spending more time with each other. The result is a love
that is stronger than before. I'm glad that we went through very painful experiences in the past because they brought us back together in the end, with an even stronger bond and a more beautiful relationship. After all the stops and starts, I am happy and thankful that I'm standing here with my hand in his. These things may be boring to other people. But they're the ones I remember the most.

...to the man who made all good things happen in my life, i love you is an understatement. :)
cheers to a wonderful 4 years of being in love and crazy with each other.

If life is short...why don't we....

I was on my way to work that morning when reality struck me. Imagine my goosebumps when I saw this thing happen right before my still sleepy eyes. Damn it. A lady in a 3 inches (if i will do the math) high heels killed a then so healthy and full of life cockroach. She did it like an expert. EEW! I watched her in dismay, why does she have to use the heel by the way when she can use the upper tip of the shoe instead? What a murderer. Well i won't really harbor any ill feeling towards her if she only did that in a more gracious way. It's kind of gross to be watching the roach swimming in its own white sticky blood, if blood is what you call it. As much as I would like to disregard the whole thing, it was enough to send shivers down my spine. When i recovered from that experience as I reached the office, i laughed and jokingly said to myself...poor roach, well, life is short. That adage rang a bell in my mind the first time i thought of it. But little did i know that life would like to teach me a more significant lesson at that cockroach's expense. Later in the afternoon, I received a text from a friend, whose loved one died on an accident. That one really gave me a knock on the head. And finally... i uttered seriously, that indeed life is short. My heart goes out for a friend who was just starting to learn how to really love someone, how to appreciate every second of being with them, showing her real feeling. Ive known her for quite sometime and i will always argue with her about not being open with her feelings. She never show in her actions how much she loved a person, she can never imagine doing that. And when she finally did, she only had very limited time. I remember those times I was not mindful of the beautiful people in my life. All those times wasted on arguing with them, giving them a cold shoulder and not being thankful of their presence, i felt a sudden feeling of regret. I realized that we are just passers by of this world. God has numbered our days as written in the bible,but how are we to spend it? Shall we continue to live for ourselves, or for others instead? What if we are only given a few minutes, days, months, years to be with the people we love? And a lifetime to regret if we fail to make the most out of it. We tend to take for granted the people in our lives because we always think that they are just around. Sometimes we also do that to ourselves, taking advantage of our busy days to neglect our health, relationships and the things that really matter. We fail to seize the day. I don't mean to to make a humor out of my friend's loss by starting off with a story of the cockroach. But that's how life made me see things on a different light. As a teenager, I once got hooked over this boy band which was the Moffats. One of their famous songs was IF LIFE IS SHORT...with a line that goes, why don't you let me love you before we ran out of time? Well that made sense to me. So here I go, making my own list of to do things, while we still feel and breathe life. Here goes...

If life is short, why don't we...

1.) eat without caring much about our weight (staying fit is healthy, being vain is not)
2.) laugh out loud till your tonsils show (who cares anyway?)
3.) sing at the top of your lungs
4.) dance like no one is watching
5.) say thank you to someone today
6.) compliment another person
7.) make every place our playground
8.) count our blessings instead of sheeps if we can't sleep
9.) get down and get dirty
10.) love like we've never been hurt

Live and let die today. Let go and let God.

ICE QUEEN

Eversince i started feeling this way, I started loving myself less. Let me travel into that tomorrow where I can say I'm not the person I am today. I used to be ice queen...selfish...self centered. For me, if you want my attention and time, work hard on it. I don't remember myself being too available for anyone. I hardly wait for someone for more than an hour because it pisses me off big time. I know how to love, but I am more inclined in receiving than giving. Whenever I got hurt by someone, my first impulse is to get even. Well, for a long time, I resorted in believing that its better to play safe on love and not dwell on it too romantically till you don't even recognize yourself. Loving less is minimizing the possible hurt bound to make its way on you. Then it happened. Somebody told me to free myself because happiness is just waiting. I hesitated countless times, but it was so enticing i never imagined falling on too hard. It melted the coldness within me till i almost believed it was meant to be this way. Or was it? Now, i question myself if I still have reasons to stay. Love became too fierce it started to burn already. I long to be that selfish, self centered girl again, hard as rock, cold as ice. But when i do, i melt as soon as i start to.

Knocking on a Cold Heart

For a time, I felt numb. My fingers were cold as ice. I can hear people's voices echoing at the back of my head, but it felt like there was a glass wall surrounding me that I can not hear what they say exactly. I probably looked so pathetic because people can't help but stare. I cried rivers of tears while trying to gather all the strength i have, just to hold on. Hold on to dear life...hold on to my love. Words like I don't care anymore, you're not worth my time, lets end this cut a hole in my heart and breathing seemed harder that having my moments of asthma attack. it felt like hell... Then finally i snapped back to life, remembering where I was. Vehicles of all kinds were passing by in front of me, suffocating me with thick black smoke while people rush from here and there...chasing time. While mine stopped the moment i read his messages. I'm not even sure if it was the time, or was it my world that suddenly stopped for a while. Realizing i was making a fool out of myself, it made me fathom why some people looked at me the way they would on a lunatic. I was standing on the sides of the street, teary-eyed and all. Being left behind by someone I've fought for till the ends of the earth.Sometimes, i wanted something better for myself. I wanted to believe I deserve more. And I feel that way sometimes too often that I actually live and breathe only just to feel it. I sat on the stairs of an abandoned building, losing grip on what I've believed was mine forever. He made me believe it though. It was a promise of forever until our next big fight. Then all of what we seemed to have established for a stronger relationship falls apart. My whole being screamed for justice. I was wrong and sorry but there was no chance of forgiveness. I cried over times i almost wanted to let go because of mistakes he have done, but to no avail. I wanted to let go...I don't deserve to beg after all. But what do I deserve anyway. I've lost all the faith I have for myself. My knees were shaking but I stood up and decided to walk straightaway. I head towards the road to forgiveness...where i'll see my love. He needs it more than I do. Although I hope he will see that I deserve it too. I never took walking away as an option. My heart only tells me to continue walking ahead. Even if I wasn't sure at the time if he will meet me halfway.

Are you quite Corrupt?

Corruption is everywhere!! whaa!! of course in our Government
What is Corruption? it's a greed for your own comfort and not thinking of
effect of the greater populace around you if they will suffer..
Even in petty things we show our corruption in our lives are you one of these examples?

1.) Your riding an fx then you put the direction of the aircons in your face for your own comfort,not adjusting the aircon for everyone to share. Don't argue that the aircon is not cold.Probably all the passengers are experiencing what you feel.

2.) In a buffet,do you get your plate so full but you won't eat them all? of you get everything you like and don't care if the others won't have it?

3.) For the drivers. You don't give the change of passengers and you suddenly became deaf when you hear student!

4.) IN a jeepney scenario,you don't look around or just face the window so that the other people in the jeep will not pass you the fare.Don't ride a jeep if you are like that.

5.) think of these things,it will lead us to worst things,if people are like that then it's just a bad place to live. i don't know.

Kafee anyone?

Why are there people who do things that aren't in their status or doesn't really need this things in their life.Are you one of them? I was too but realized that it wasn't fruithful.Do You like to go to Coffee shop and buy some frappe but will not drink it? you will just drink them after you leave in the place after 4 to 6 hrs. of senseless seating surrounded by businessmen and social climbers. Why do you do this? yes it's comfortable in the couches but will you spend your parents hard earned money to buy a frickin expensive frappe? If you wipe your face with the tissue of the coffeeshop and other people will see it,will they make you beautiful or handsome?Will it make your status high? can you put it in your resume as OJT like i sat at $+@rbuck$ for 100 hrs.Will everyone bow to you if they see you bringing the cup of frappe already liquid and half passed already and just sipping every 30 mins.? You are missing the best things in life.Its outside the coffeeshop.It's fun to stay there occassionally but you don't need to go there everyday or week.. your just making the owners rich.